Sunday: Questioning
Sep. 23rd, 2009 10:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spongetastic"Questions are dangerous, because they have answers."-Jacqueline Carey
Loud screams could be heard through the crisp spring air. The screams spoke of rage and pain too overwhelming to be expressed any other way. It was lucky there was no one around to hear the noise. Peter continued to scream until his throat felt raw from the effort. Once it did he turned his attention to knocking his fist over and over against the trunk of a tree.
Nothing he did so far got rid of the hurt feeling burning his insides. Even transferring the pain to his body didn't help. Peter's fingers cracked and he stopped long enough to put them back in place. He panted heavily, turning and resting his back against the tree. He still ached inside but for the moment he could focus on his outward aches.
What he learned about Adam was still fresh in his mind. Adam lied to him, used him, and probably worst of all would have killed billions of people and made Peter an accomplice in it. Maybe a part of him still wanted to do it. None of this coincided with Peter's former image of who Adam was. He couldn't figure out yet how to mesh this person with the man he fell in love with.
Do you love me, Adam? Peter asked the question, needing something he could believe in. And he did; he believed Adam loved him. But that was all he could believe at the moment. There were other questions he wished he asked. Why Adam lied to him for so long, for example. Or how the man could have possibly considered killing so many people. Not that he would have believed the answers if he got them.
How can I believe anything you say now? That was a real question. But not as hard a question as it seemed. Truthfully Peter wanted to believe Adam again. He wanted the assurance Adam always gave him no matter what. More than anything he wanted things back to how they were. He wanted what he learned to not be true.
There was one more question to ask. One more important than the others: did he still love Adam? And he knew the answer to it without needing a moment to consider.
Peter turned back toward the cabin where Adam was hopefully still waiting for him. He could still feel the painful ache inside him but there was nothing he could do about that. What he could do was go inside and give Adam some answers.
Loud screams could be heard through the crisp spring air. The screams spoke of rage and pain too overwhelming to be expressed any other way. It was lucky there was no one around to hear the noise. Peter continued to scream until his throat felt raw from the effort. Once it did he turned his attention to knocking his fist over and over against the trunk of a tree.
Nothing he did so far got rid of the hurt feeling burning his insides. Even transferring the pain to his body didn't help. Peter's fingers cracked and he stopped long enough to put them back in place. He panted heavily, turning and resting his back against the tree. He still ached inside but for the moment he could focus on his outward aches.
What he learned about Adam was still fresh in his mind. Adam lied to him, used him, and probably worst of all would have killed billions of people and made Peter an accomplice in it. Maybe a part of him still wanted to do it. None of this coincided with Peter's former image of who Adam was. He couldn't figure out yet how to mesh this person with the man he fell in love with.
Do you love me, Adam? Peter asked the question, needing something he could believe in. And he did; he believed Adam loved him. But that was all he could believe at the moment. There were other questions he wished he asked. Why Adam lied to him for so long, for example. Or how the man could have possibly considered killing so many people. Not that he would have believed the answers if he got them.
How can I believe anything you say now? That was a real question. But not as hard a question as it seemed. Truthfully Peter wanted to believe Adam again. He wanted the assurance Adam always gave him no matter what. More than anything he wanted things back to how they were. He wanted what he learned to not be true.
There was one more question to ask. One more important than the others: did he still love Adam? And he knew the answer to it without needing a moment to consider.
Peter turned back toward the cabin where Adam was hopefully still waiting for him. He could still feel the painful ache inside him but there was nothing he could do about that. What he could do was go inside and give Adam some answers.