Sunday: Secret rhythm
Jul. 15th, 2009 03:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spongetasticMy heart… it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you.-Stardust
He rested his hand over the place where his heart dwelled. He could feel its subtle rhythm beat gently against his chest. For now it felt steady but he knew how easily it could change. It could leap up as if trying to escape through his throat. It could flutter frantically like a bird trapped in a cage. It could do all these things, and he knew exactly what it took for his heart to forget its set rhythm and strike up a new beat.
There are just some things that are meant to be. Those words nearly took his breath away. His heart could barely be contained by his ribs. The voice was a faint echo in his mind but Peter remembered it.
More importantly, he knew he wasn’t supposed to remember.
When he got a Treatment he would go to sleep for a while. This was something he accepted a long time ago. Then he began to dream. They were nothing more than fragments at first, not unlike any other dream. Over time the fragments pieced together until he was aware of so much more.
He slid into the pool, kicking off and swimming a few laps. It was important to exercise and keep healthy. He had to be at his best. He wanted so much to please everyone. Doctor Saunders was very nice so Peter tried to be careful so he wouldn’t worry her. He was always friendly with Topher, quietly obeying the man whenever they crossed paths. Then of course there was his handler, the one Peter trusted above the others. He wanted all of them to be happy.
But there was one more. One who could make his heart jump and melt and beat out a desperate rhythm. No one else could do that; Peter didn’t want them to try.
Peter slid out of the pool again. He stared down at his face reflected in the water. He could see how the water plastered his hair to his head, and tiny droplets ran down his shoulders and chest.
“They can’t stop us from being together,” he said out loud.
He knew; he remembered. He wasn’t supposed to and he was wise enough to not mention it after what happened before, but the memories were there in his mind. Desmond. Other things faded but he remained. He was there—warm and real, his face and voice so clear that if Peter tried he could recreate them and make his heart race.
I love you, Desmond. …And I’ll be happy to say it every day for you.
Every single day for the rest of our lives?
“Yes,” Peter whispered out loud. He placed his hand over his chest, where he could feel his heart going wild from the memory of that moment. A dream, and yet so real at the same time. It made him so happy his heart didn’t have enough beats to express it.
He didn’t belong here any longer. He lived here but it was no longer home. His heart could feel it and tried desperately to pull him toward Desmond. That was where he belonged now.
The imprint named Vander was supposed to have a romantic rendezvous that evening. He followed his programming until he and the girl were alone in the hotel room. His heart clenched up tight. He couldn’t continue, no matter what the imprint told him. Vander couldn’t understand why he felt this way. All he knew was that his heart wanted someone else.
“You have to do better, Peter,” his handler told him. “They’ll put you back in the bad place if you aren’t careful.”
“I’ll do better,” the Doll promised humbly.
But no matter how hard he tried, his heart would never be in it like before. It would be humming a secret rhythm, hoping somehow Desmond would hear and know Peter loved him.
He rested his hand over the place where his heart dwelled. He could feel its subtle rhythm beat gently against his chest. For now it felt steady but he knew how easily it could change. It could leap up as if trying to escape through his throat. It could flutter frantically like a bird trapped in a cage. It could do all these things, and he knew exactly what it took for his heart to forget its set rhythm and strike up a new beat.
There are just some things that are meant to be. Those words nearly took his breath away. His heart could barely be contained by his ribs. The voice was a faint echo in his mind but Peter remembered it.
More importantly, he knew he wasn’t supposed to remember.
When he got a Treatment he would go to sleep for a while. This was something he accepted a long time ago. Then he began to dream. They were nothing more than fragments at first, not unlike any other dream. Over time the fragments pieced together until he was aware of so much more.
He slid into the pool, kicking off and swimming a few laps. It was important to exercise and keep healthy. He had to be at his best. He wanted so much to please everyone. Doctor Saunders was very nice so Peter tried to be careful so he wouldn’t worry her. He was always friendly with Topher, quietly obeying the man whenever they crossed paths. Then of course there was his handler, the one Peter trusted above the others. He wanted all of them to be happy.
But there was one more. One who could make his heart jump and melt and beat out a desperate rhythm. No one else could do that; Peter didn’t want them to try.
Peter slid out of the pool again. He stared down at his face reflected in the water. He could see how the water plastered his hair to his head, and tiny droplets ran down his shoulders and chest.
“They can’t stop us from being together,” he said out loud.
He knew; he remembered. He wasn’t supposed to and he was wise enough to not mention it after what happened before, but the memories were there in his mind. Desmond. Other things faded but he remained. He was there—warm and real, his face and voice so clear that if Peter tried he could recreate them and make his heart race.
I love you, Desmond. …And I’ll be happy to say it every day for you.
Every single day for the rest of our lives?
“Yes,” Peter whispered out loud. He placed his hand over his chest, where he could feel his heart going wild from the memory of that moment. A dream, and yet so real at the same time. It made him so happy his heart didn’t have enough beats to express it.
He didn’t belong here any longer. He lived here but it was no longer home. His heart could feel it and tried desperately to pull him toward Desmond. That was where he belonged now.
The imprint named Vander was supposed to have a romantic rendezvous that evening. He followed his programming until he and the girl were alone in the hotel room. His heart clenched up tight. He couldn’t continue, no matter what the imprint told him. Vander couldn’t understand why he felt this way. All he knew was that his heart wanted someone else.
“You have to do better, Peter,” his handler told him. “They’ll put you back in the bad place if you aren’t careful.”
“I’ll do better,” the Doll promised humbly.
But no matter how hard he tried, his heart would never be in it like before. It would be humming a secret rhythm, hoping somehow Desmond would hear and know Peter loved him.